Sun rise

『春はあけぼの。ようよう白くなりゆく山際、少し明かりて、紫だちたる雲の細くたなびきたる。』

山際ならぬビルぎわだけど、いつの時代も朝日は昇ってきたのよね。朝日を受けてお月様が一層輝きを増す夜明け。

Moon brighter reflecting the sun

 

A short me time before pick up

Me time before pick up. I've been collecting coupons and points to get complimentary gifts and tickets these past few weeks, because those are expiring after one year. And this drink I got from Starbucks is a free one. It was about a year ago things started sketchy and I stopped going to my usual spots. Some of them still stand, among many other businesses closed in 2020. We don't know how it ends but I kind of feel that we have to come to acknowledge that we have to live with the virus, along with many other kinds. Also we have to be aware that there's no turning back to the old days. We have to keep evolving as life in any form does, even the virus on the earth. Humans are just a part of nature, not a god... 

Mad cooking tonight

 Lotus roots, carrot, burdock, and chicken, deep frying

Masaki tried it

Kids cooking dinner

 Ton cooked spinach & bacon

Mo cooked green peas & bacon

Girls only?

Daughter's 6th birthday party at home today. 8 girls playing in a small room, making bead accessories. A boy came over and asked if he could play, too. A girl said "you can't play because you're a boy". Then I wondered if it was too naive to call discrimination. How did she come up with the result that he couldn't join because he was not a girl? What was the deciding factors of this judgment? Did her family give her a guideline? Did she learn from her friends? I was simply curious how she learned that concept.

I try to be mutual and am trying to guide my kids they should not be stereotyped and not be judgmental, but this is too powerful if you're 6 years old, surrounded by girl friends who have clear ideas what girls should do and boy should not. They know how to segregate before knowing what that means.

I know some people have girls only or boys only birthday parties, and even adults have such gatherings, services such as ladies day, etc. Practically speaking and major common cognizance is that the behaviors and preferences differ between gender. I understand it's easier to handle the group alike. It's the tendencies you see but it clouds your judgment and the mind that everyone is different.

Am I worrying too much?

Twinkle twinkle

Went back to home town for friend's 23rd anniversary of his death. A monk who used to be our elementary school teacher was waiting for us at his temple, where our friend rests. Familiar faces, each somewhat rounded and wrinkled, gray hair, less hair, etc. started showing up. Even 2nd grade teacher was there, too. How she looked short and tiny once we had looked up her face.

Put fire on the incense, some were busy babbling, some were putting flowers, everybody lined up in front of his grave as the monk teacher started chanting, incense in each hand. Gave incense to him, bow and pray as we always do.

Some more babbling, then we all went to visit his parents. His younger sister had a girl baby about 8 months ago, and the house was partly filled with baby stuff. We all, about 16 of us, gave him another incense, followed by sipping green tea, talking about fishing, local gossips, etc. Nothing exciting but some toned down chats in the room, thinking there was nothing we could do to ease their pain of losing him, yet after 23 years. Or our existence would have reminded them of it.

We said good by to them and moved to a small local restaurant. Everybody got old for sure but the each nature were still the same: jocular one, clown one, quiet one, loud one, caring one, etc. Obviously it brought back memories to the teacher, reassured in a way that we were still the same although the physical changes were undeniable. Everybody smiling, talking and joking about the old days. Maybe it was such fun because we were free from irritation and agony from everyday work and life, simply went back to where we had once was. Memories only glamorized, inconveniences forgotten, we were not so naive easily be hurt by harsh words, even such acts were comfortable to some of us, confirming what we were by witnessing the familiar scenes.

After the party, I looked up the sky, air was crisp, bright stars above us. Then I though we could let him go now. The time he had gone has been longer than the time he was with us. His parents have a grand child at home. We have lost some of the other class mates. Some of us lost a parent, in-laws, married, divorced, re married, have baby, addition to family by marriage, and so on. His death is one of the events happened to our life, and not that shocking anymore. The scar is healed although you can see a slight mark of it. It's time to move on.

Annual health check

So, some health check results.
Bad numbers: ALT(GPT) was 55, which the average should be a range between 5 to 45, total bilirubin 1.6 which should be between 0.3 to 1.2. And my thyroid is bigger than average so I should go for detailed check up on this organ. I know ALT (alanine aminotransferase) was effected by taking lots of protein. And thyroid? Well, I have no idea but I guess I have to go back after the diet for more check ups....

My stomach was totally empty and even barium filling it up felt kind a nice, though it made me a little sick later. So, after a semi astronaut‘s training of rolling around on a rotating board for stomach check up, I took laxative and lots of water, hoping it would wash it down.

And my height increased about 1 cm, which I guess because of the good posture. Weight was also plus about a couple of kgs which wasn't a good news....

Coffee break this afternoon

Saw a kids' event at Starbucks this afternoon. First I thought they were having a birthday party, but they were having make-your-own-cup and serve-coffee-to-your-mom and eat-sugary-things. It was something I've seen at McDonalds' birthday party that I had to host sometimes when I used to work there for part time, long time ago. Maybe Starbucks is trying to start selling to kids or through kids to expand their sales? They're in everywhere just like convenient stores these days, started selling instant coffees, then some high-priced freshly brewed for you coffee. They even started asking or suggesting some sweets if you go between meal times, just like McDonalds do "want a french fry with your burger?" kind of sales talk. I suspect they have their manual written up just like McDonalds.

I once seriously thought about working at Starbucks back in early 20s, although not at all now since I'm totally detoxed caffeine after pregnancy, and it keeps me up awake late like now. The drinks they promote are overly sugar loaded which can easily make me pass out. Although, we use it quite often as it's very convenient and kids can tell it by its logo from very far, even in overseas. Wonder what's their next strategy is....

Do you speak English?

One of the moms from kids' school asked me where we were going to send our daughter to after the pre-school, which seems like a very common subject among the other moms of the daughter's age. I said my husband thought sending her to an international school if possible, and I would be OK anywhere she wanted to go. Then she commented that our kids were pretty fluent in both Japanese and English, and she wanted her daughter to be perfectly fluent in both language. I agree our kids are quite bilinguals of what their age, although I haven't really compared them with the other bilingual kids. Then it got me thinking what's "perfect bilingual".

She raised examples that she used to go to a graduate school where she was fluent in English of what she was studying, and also medical terms she learned while she used to live in US, but she didn't know any of the language of the other area of her studies. Therefore she wants her daughter to be fully bilingual in both language of every stage, not fluent in one language only and so so in the another.

Well, I guess I'm fluent in Japanese but off course I'm not fluent in medical terms even in Japanese. What level of her daughter's language capability does she expect....? It's very possible that she would never be satisfied with her daughter's language capability...

Although I'm not a professional, as I studied linguistics, I know the basics and probably knows slightly more than those moms who have or want to make their kids bilingual what mastering language takes. What I think is that it's basically the matter of the amount of data of language usages stored in your brain. If you're in an environment of speaking one particular language, you naturally be able to encounter and collect more examples of the language use therefore you become fluent in that language. Becoming perfectly bilingual will take lots of effort.

I've met quite number of bilingual people so it must be possible, although the degree of "perfect" varies. Some are fluent in language but have no cultural background, some are missing 3rd grade to 6 grade vocabularies, some can mumble perfectly, etc.

Language reflects the cultural background so we sometimes notice minor errors although grammatically correct. Dialects also effects the usage. We can assess the accuracy of use but need to make a baseline, which must be hard to set.

Worrying about kid's education, especially about bilingual education is too luxurious. We don't want to become distracted and ignore the other matters arise while bringing up the children....

Some thoughts with coffee and work...

Worked after lunch at Dean&Deluca at Midtown, over heard a couple of moms and boys at the same area, presumably stopped by for snack after picking up their sons at kindergarten. Mom busy chatting, boys busy drinking on of those super sweet drink covered with whipped cream and chocolate. One of the boys finished his drink and started demanding for some more. Mom said she was not buying as it was expensive, then the boy became grumpy, started making mess. Off course mom kept telling her son to shut up, behave, etc. all kinds of typical stuff moms would've said to expostulate their own kids. And off course the boy was not following his mom. I suspected the boy was not listening to his mom at all, rather completely ignored her. Her words were simply noise that he could just let it flow. And I could imagine he was frustrated badly that he couldn't get what he wanted and his mom was not leading him anywhere but just be harsh to him. Yes, his mom was not guiding her son at all but simply discouraging him in public. She was simply following her son with his wants and stick NO to every action he took. What was he supposed to do? No guidance or alternatives, become grumpy was the only thing he could do. Those moms are too buys just fire fighting the incidents right there to see the outcome of such conventional remedy to acting up kids. I bet her boy was simply hungry and wanted some more. She could've offered him something else rather than buying another one as exactly he requested. Or promise him the same one for another time. Well, I know things won't go like this easy, but at least you can try something constructive....

Are you willingly being ripped off...?

Took my daughter to Precure event in Ikebukuro today, while my husband took our son for male bonding. I knew what I was getting into by visiting such cash cow event, I told my daughter that we were going to see and play, not a shopping. She seemed to understand that. So, off course the venue was already crowded at 10:00 a.m, and the cartoon related toys and goods and all kinds of stuff here and there. And I noticed that the most of the parents were following where their kids went, and money was flowing everywhere.

They had an appearance show that the 3 Precure girls in full body suit sang and danced, and after the show, they had an encounter event to shake hands with them. Off course it was not free. You were entitled to line up to it if you purchased at least one of the goods they offered in the back of the stage ranged from JPY500 to JPY2,000. Interestingly, quite a number of a parent or parents were buying those without even asking their own kids if they wanted it or even which one. Maybe their logical circuit was set so that they, without even thinking, were ought to buy it so that their kids should be able to meet huge body suit characters, without a trouble. Some mom even left her daughter alone among the crowd to buy it, found out her daughter was crying so hard realizing her own mom disappeared, and some other dad near by thought that girl was a stray. Ah, her MOM was so desperate to get that goods...

At the game machine area, there was a family with 2 girls who jumped over to a particular one which required some game cards to play. The parents following them pulled out the wallet and immediately inserted the money, not even saying anything. So generous. I wonder if kids appreciated such their parents' action, or simply took it for granted. I overheard the other mom said to her daughter that she didn't have to wait in line to play a new game if they would buy it so she could play at home. That's too easy, isn't it?

I, on the other hand, kept reminding my girl that we were here to see and play, not to buy. Every time she said to me she wanted to do something, for example, a short 3D theater movie, then I said to her that it was costing money JPY500 per person, plus waiting time of 30 min. She wanted to try a photo shoot in Precure costume, I said her it was costing money plus look at the looong line of people waiting for hours. Surely she was demotivated and moved on to the other FREE stuff.

Although one thing she really wanted to try, and agreed that would be the only thing she could do was to paint Precure face to make a plastic sheet. I explained her that it was her choice of the day and I would not help her at all because that was what she wanted badly. She agreed. So, there I was, just watching my daughter messing up colors and what not despite of the sample photo they put out on the working table, I started watching the other families. And I, again, noticed that there were so many parents helping, or even mainly working on the coloring, which made their kids looked bored. They were working so hard, try to color exactly the same as the sample, clean up the paint run off borders. One girl had mom and dad on the both of her sides hovering, caring if their daughter was not making any mistakes. Some of the moms around us looked horrified that my daughter painted a face of Precure green. She was totally happy with the results despite of the green and yellow mixed face with some missing areas, and very satisfied which made me also happy that she could do everything by herself and made accomplishment.

Doing the same as the others and exactly as instructed are the product of Japanese education and custom of our culture, although that is not what made me wonder today. Spoiling kids by trying not to let them confront the difficulties, and prepare everything for them must not be a good thing for them in long run. When a girl's mom took over her project of painting because she was not painting it correctly, she must have lost her motivation to keep painting. If the girls want to buy Louis Vuitton handbags, do they expect someone magically appear and pay for these?

I‘m convinced that those parents were simply looking for their kids' happiness, and off course my daughter's happiness is my great joy, too. Although, my question is if their goal is the same as mine but the process is too convenient to them. They don't want to see their kids to make mistakes they help too much, which results their kids having a lot less opportunities in every degree. They're still too young don't expect them to color perfectly within the line. Let them wait in line to get what they want. Don't buy stuff just to shut up your crying kid. Don't you think they'll eventually be on their own...? Or do you mistakenly think you're needed and fulfilled when your kid asks for money...?? They'll eventually take over your life because of lack of experience in the early age, and you'll be still ripped off, probably unconsciously, yet willingly, thinking it would help their kids...

Mysterious power of sunspot...

Over heard a conversation of senior ladies next to my table at lunch. One of them said sunspot activity had been very active it caused malfunctioning computers, health, weather, all kinds of stuff. Ah, that must caused today's frequent droppings of Internet connection while I was working....

Fist won't do you any good...

Hit a kids play room at Hamacho park after lunch with my husband who was at Iai tournament, and I let my kids playing around with other kids there without saying anything much as usual. Two boys, probably 1st grade, came in later and they started messing around. And they started picking on my boy playing at slide, as they also started playing there, but seemed like they had their own rule to play. Obviously 2 years old was not being cooperative as he was trying to go down the slide, but apparently those two boys didn't like it. They kept looking at me, I assumed usually those moms would jump in and stop such conflicts, although I wasn't a case. They looked confused as they weren't treated like they would've, and became a little loose and bold. My boy didn't give in, wouldn't stop, kept coming back, the one boy whom I can tell for sure was a little tyrant showed my boy a fist to threat him as he would be punched if he didn't listen to that boy. Off course my son didn't know such his rule, just assumed that boy was playing simply showing his fist. Then a punch on leg, another punch on tummy. I held myself, decided I shouldn't do anything until it gets more seriously physical, as sooner or later boys get in physical troubles. Plus, my son's not a type of a kid who would easily give in by a several punches just like me, rather they were the ones who should be scared of.... Anyhow, I witnessed about 5 punches to my son, then I asked that boy if that was how he was treated at home, which I honestly wanted to know. The boy was again confused by me asking him such a puzzled question, instead of stopping him from punching my son. Then he stopped punching. They kept picking on my son, and one time when my son was playing with a block, those boys started taking away the block from him. That's when they swung my son, and he fell on the floor, started crying. Then the other boys about 5, 6th grades came over, started telling those boys they shouldn't treat such a little kid like that. Good job to those elder boys! Then a mom came over to check out what was going on, then she asked me if I was fine with my son crying on the floor, and I immediately told her he was fine, it was just those boys who couldn't figured out how to play with the younger one. She looked very confused! Ha! Then the all boys started playing together, but somehow those elder ones started picking on those boys who were picking on my son, then playing nicely with my son, all giggling and laughing! Good job to my son, too! You earned it!!

It's very sad if that boy has been treated by his parents or someone close to stop whatever he does by showing a fist, which I'm sure that's the case, because the move he took was very smooth, no hesitation. Maybe they are satisfied with the result that boy actually stops, which seems a perfect accomplishment, but truth is, they are simply copying themselves to that boy, and making him stands alone. I'm sure that's how he's been "communicating" with the other kids at school. If someone shows you a fist, telling you he will hit you if you won't listen to him, how do you feel? Do you enjoy companionship with him? You would think it's a trouble to hang out with him, wouldn't you? That's the result his parents are inviting, but I honestly think they would have never ever imagined such a thing.

The point that I'm trying to say here is that the kids themselves have to find the way to communicate with the others, regardless of age or sex, directly. Parents can only guide them, give them hints, but it has to be them who come up with solutions how to communicate. Adults these days think they should rule everything, but kids themselves have their own logic and theory which may not be reasonable to adults, although they have to try and figure out by themselves. Therefore, I'm trying to stay as an observer as much as I could, let my kids to find their way how to swim the human pool. I love them both very much and forgive me kids, but it'll be good for you before you know it.